Elephant dating

“This is my new infatuation” says the other one, handing over their smart phone to the other to peruse.

“They’re a Scorpio so they’re highly physical in the bedroom.

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They are eating vanilla almond white chocolate cake and drinking lattes.

“I don’t mind eating this kind of cake after exercise as I know I’ll just burn it off” says the first taking a photo of the three layered gateaux with custard crust and posting it on social media.

Lord knows the pressure for the ‘perfect relationship’ has been increased by a world of selfies and public displays of affection of the viral kind.

You can’t just propose you now have to do it with a flash mob, a lip sync, a choreographed group of friends all with smart phones, gopros and action cams videoing every moment so a whole world of strangers can view it later. There’s now companies to arrange your marriage proposal within an inch of it’s Instagram life, lest the male (or female) dare to do something simply heart felt and private to the love of their life.

You’ll never guess the gender of this overheard conversation. Next to me sit two people in Lycra with a residual sweat around the hairline from recently completed exercise.

I’m sitting in a waterside cafe ingesting my first caffeine of the day.) and perceiving it from his own internal beliefs that have him either looking for love or looking for rejection then building a whole fantasy life of the other person in his head.What a waste of the average 42 minutes spent on Facebook each day by users – though to be fare the internet does have it’s dating purposes, more than 43% of singles have Googled someone before a first date presumably to ensure they have no prior murder charges. If you’re counting the number of likes you’re making on Facebook then chances are there’s not much to like about real life right now.For others it’s as simple as swipe left or right on Tinder.Trouble is for my breakfast mate in Lycra he’s making judgements, valuations and decisions based on a social media profile rather than going straight to the source, he’s buying into what he sees (who honestly tags bad photos of themselves? The photos on his dating app probably aren't helping.

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