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But every day, when I log into the dating site of my choice, I play the passive role, the receiver of attention, the awaiter of messages.I go to my inbox and see who wants to talk to me and then I choose to whom I’ll respond.
The Internet could be the great democratizer, the great playing field-leveler.
After all, we each have only the 500-word text boxes and crappy jpegs and clever (not so clever) user names to show for ourselves. Maybe in this environment where we are safely sequestered behind screens, we can get past some of the lingering gender-based “rules” that dominate the “How to Catch a Man” playbooks of yore.
Finally, one of the cool girls writes back, and you will banter a bit, swapping favorite restaurants or concert venues.
You will ask her to meet up “in real life.” At the bar, you will chat nervously for an hour (she is not as pretty or as funny as you had hoped she’d be), and then you will be saddled with the $27 check even though she ate most of the sweet potato fries.
With those, you will send a few messages back and forth before he invites you for a drink.
You will put on some mascara, plunge out into the snow, meet a stranger, and after an hour of slightly stilted conversation, he will grab the check.
You will try to split it, but he will pay, and you will stand to re-wrap yourself against the frigid wind.
You will part ways, and you will probably, almost certainly, begin again the next day with another “Hey there…” message from the next contender.
This is not the behavior I would expect of a feminist, sex-positive 21st century lady. Why would I put myself through the rollercoaster of the drafting, the editing, the sending, the waiting, the hoping, the checking, and the sighing in disappointment when the fact of my gender (and let’s be real; that’s really all it is) means the attention comes to me?
It’s not behavior I’m particularly proud of either. Why don’t I reach out to the dudes with the funny handles and good taste in books, the ones who post pictures with goofy faces and like tacos almost as much as I like tacos? I wish the evidence pointed to something else, something egalitarian and modern, but when I get real with my own online dating M. I’ve sent messages to guys before, sure, but the ratio is small. This is not how I want this work, but I condone it with my inaction.
You don’t order my wine and we split the check because we are peers. I have a job, you have a job, we’re all on a budget, and I did eat most of the sweet potato fries!Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating